Read at your own risk: Gagging may occur

2 Jul

I don’t really know where to begin or how to explain it or exactly how I feel except for: I can’t stop smiling. Not even a little bit.

Perhaps the best way to explain is it in terms of text messages. Yesterday we exchanged a few back and forth, one of which involved me telling him to have a good day. His response: I’ll enjoy my day when I see you. (I warned you that gagging may occur.)

The date itself went well as I figured it would. There are no awkward pauses, we joke freely with each other, laugh and smile more than I recall being possible on dates with men. We went for dinner, for drinks on a patio and then hung out chez moi because he had to stay up until 3:30 a.m. to meet his buddies and their respective girlfriends for a road trip to Minnesota.

Obviously by 1am we were both pretty exhausted so we (gag warning) cuddled on the couch, entwined in each other’s arms just talking, being with each other. He mumbled into my neck that he didn’t want to go on this vacation (I leave on Sunday, the day he returns for six days, for a work conference), that he wanted to stay with me, or shove me in his suitcase.

Finally at 3:15 am we saddled him up with some water and snacks for the road. Hugging him at the door, honestly not wanting to let him go (there is such an intense connection. It’s amazing. And scary. And exciting), he looked into my eyes (gag warning) and said: I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time.

20 minutes later, he texted me telling me that he can’t wait to see me next weekend. My Wednesday was peppered with texts from the Irishman. “So I’m thinkin’ about ya.” “My friends want to meet you.” “I still miss you.”

Normally this would totally freak me out and I would run the other way, but for once… I feel the same way. I have no idea what will happen, how it will go, if he’s telling the truth (I’m assuming yes), why I’m into him as much as I am, but it’s a great feeling.

I realized that when I dated the Former HB I was with him because I thought he was the kind of guy I wanted. Strong and corporate. Bland and dry. I also realized I wasn’t myself with him. I didn’t laugh. Smiling was rare. I didn’t enjoy him touching me, looking at me, kissing me.

But with the Irishman, it’s completely the opposite. We have enough in common that we can talk for hours about those things but also not so much in common that we can educate each other on what we don’t know. He’s not afraid to hold my hand in public and I don’t mind when he grabs me when we’re walking on the street and kisses me. I can be myself around him, 100%. I laugh all the time, find myself gazing into his eyes (yeah, yeah, gag, I know) and find myself unusually excited and calm about our dates.

So that’s the story. I am terrified and ecstatic at the same time. I figure I have to live my life, so here it goes…



3 Responses to “Read at your own risk: Gagging may occur”

  1. Kyla Bea July 3, 2008 at 10:44 am #

    Oh aw!! This sounds like the good stuff, miss – I’m staying tuned for more! = )

  2. Kyla Bea July 3, 2008 at 10:45 am #

    (Sorry – this is my real profile! lol)

  3. nova July 3, 2008 at 6:03 pm #

    No gagging here for sure, but a lot of “awwws” and excitement here for you, girl.

    Hugs! I’m all giddy for you!

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