Sometimes…

9 Feb

I wish that I hadn’t moved out of my parents house only eight months after graduating college. I’m doing fine as an adult, on my own, but some days it would be great to have fewer bills to pay, more dollars in the savings account and a big ole’ house at my disposal.

I think Sunday evenings are incredibly lonesome, with or without family, TDH, friends or Jack. Monday mornings bring stress, workplace annoyances and time schedules.

I want to run a bubble bath with candles and soft jazz music, complete with a good book. Sadly the bathtub at my apartment leaks, TDH’s doesn’t have a stopper and at my parents, well, I don’t have what I need for this kind of night.

I crave junk food. It’s not even the normal time when a woman would crave junk food. Of course I feel slightly guilty for wanting to eat the junk considering my gym efforts.

I hope that I will be strong enough to stand-up to my coworkers or leave my job and pursue another career. I hope that when I find that strength I’ll be able to find a job I’m well-suited for, that brings me joy and helps others.

I need a lot more love and attention that I did as a single independent woman. The walls are crumbling down on a rapid basis in this relationship with TDH and while it’s a good thing, sometimes the vulnerability I feel is so intense it’s terrifying.

I worry about everything and nothing all at once. It can be incredibly exhaustive, frustrating and certainly annoying.

I love sitting around and doing absoutely nothing. This is the first weekend since the New Year I wasn’t running around like a crazy person.

I miss cooking and baking. You all know January 2009 was a bit of a rollercoaster for me with a terribly erratic schedule. My goal for this month is to make at least three homemade dinners a week and one baked good for either family dinners, co-workers or just because.

I care way too much about other people, lapsing into times when I’m not focusing on myself. Not saying I need to be self-centered, but it’s easy to let one’s life get away from them rather quickly.

I know that with a little sleep and a little TLC anything can be fixed.

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9 Responses to “Sometimes…”

  1. sleepyjane February 9, 2009 at 7:49 am #

    This was a good post. :) I haven’t really had a relaxing weekend either since my friend is getting married next month (I’m maid of honour) so it’s been super hectic. *sigh* I should also make more time for ME!

  2. E.P. February 9, 2009 at 8:33 am #

    I feel you on a lot of these. The junk food thing? I’m right there with you. It’s awful how much I want that stuff.

  3. Amber February 9, 2009 at 8:57 am #

    Sleep fixes everything.

    I know what you mean about the worrying thing, I’m constantly worrying. About what? I don’t know…

  4. Kyla Bea February 9, 2009 at 8:59 am #

    These are so beautiful! I definitely hear you about putting energy into other people before you. I end up doing that through blogging too – my whole weekend ends up being anxiety about getting posts written and then spending 5 hours on the computer commenting. I need to scale back!

  5. Jacqueline from MissMusing February 9, 2009 at 10:02 am #

    Beautiful post. I love your openness and honesty. Take time for yourself! You deserve it.

  6. mandy February 9, 2009 at 10:34 pm #

    Thank you for stopping by my blog, I’m glad that you found it! I’ve enjoyed reading some of your posts and will be coming back to read more.

    This was a great post! While I can relate to most of them, this one I could have written almost word for word “I hope that I will be strong enough to stand-up to my coworkers or leave my job and pursue another career. I hope that when I find that strength I’ll be able to find a job I’m well-suited for, that brings me joy and helps others.”

  7. SSG February 10, 2009 at 3:00 am #

    Hey i’ve been away, like the new-look blog!
    Also I know what you mean about Sundays- i dread the evenings, they are so depressing. And also I get the vulnerability thing- the more I get closer and the more I love MrC, the more he knows about me, the more vulnerbale I get, the deeper the pain could be, which I sometimes worry about instead of enjoying the moment. But I’m crazy!

  8. Little Miss Obsessive February 10, 2009 at 11:26 am #

    I agree that Sunday nights do always feel sad and lonesome even with company.

    I loved this post. :)

  9. ria February 10, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

    i worry like that too…at least i’m not the only one! :)

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