Excuses

29 Jun

Today’s Guest Post is from the wonderful, ever-hilarious, sincere Tabitha. No idea how we found each other’s blogs but I’m thrilled that we did. She makes me laugh, makes think and currently I love reading every detail about her upcoming wedding because as you all know I’m a wedding junkie.  This post is delightful so enjoy!

When the ever-fabulous Nora tweeted that she was looking for a few guest posts this weekend, I jumped at the chance. Why?  I have two reasons:

  1. Nora is, as previously mentioned, ever-fabulous. Therefore, an opportunity to share a little corner of her blog for a day just might allow some of that fabulousness to rub off on me. Plus, it might be the closest I’ll ever get to “hanging out” with her in real life.
  2. My ulterior motive? I plan on holding this over her head asking Nora to return the favor when I go on my honeymoon in August. *teehee*

Anyway, let’s get to this guest post, shall we?

Today, I thought you all might enjoy a little game I like to call “Excuses.”

The rules of the game are as follows:

  1. I will list some things I do (or don’t do) which are any combination of the following characteristics:
    a) embarrassing/awkward
    b) lazy/slackerish
    c) rude/offensive
    d) just plain strange
  2. After each offense, I will list the excuse(s) I make for said offense.
  3. Your mission is to rate my excuses on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being completely illegitimate or bogus, and 10 being acceptable/justifiable reasons for the offense).
  4. After that, you can feel free to do any or all of the following:
    a) offer some better (read: more believable) excuses
    b) offer alternatives to the offenses, which might help me stop making excuses
    c) tell me what sorts of things YOU make excuses for!

Ready? Ooooo-kay!*

Top Five Things I Make Excuses for on a Fairly Regular Basis (in no particular order):

  1. Offense: Leaving my clean laundry draped over my chair/couch/bed for more than two weeks after laundry day (basically long enough that they’ve all been worn before they ever made it to the closet or dresser)…and moving them from place to place when they get in my way.

    Excuse: My closet is really dark, so it’s hard to see the clothes when I put them away in there, yanno? Or, if that one doesn’t work: I just never have tiiiiiiimmeee to do such a meaningless task as putting away my clean clothes. I’ve got too much else to do in life. Besides, I’m inevitably going to wear them and throw them in the hamper again, anyway…

  2. Offense: Letting out a gnarly SBD in Joe’s (my fiance’s) car on a long drive, and failing to alert him before the stench reaches his nostrils or crack the window to allow the abomination to escape.

    Excuse: Sometimes I don’t even realize it’s coming until it’s already happened. No, seriously. I have very little control over my gas emissions. Also? Joe totally loves it when I do that.

  3. Offense: Licking Joe’s face/hand/shoulder/whatever’s most accessible, then laughing maniacally. *Obviously this falls under the category: d) just plain strange.*

    Excuse: He just looks so…edible? Er…sometimes I mistake him for a Tootsie Pop? …Oh! I’ve got it: He just needs to be reminded sometimes that he’s about to marry a freak of nature. Yep. That’s the one.

  4. Offense: Standing in the middle of the street/sidewalk/room and breaking into song and dance. (Note: this often occurs at inopportune or inappropriate times, or sometimes just completely at random.) Oh, and occasionally ending with a flourish, a high-pitched (totally out-of-tune) note, or a “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid” wink/point — mind you, at no one in particular — and an enthusiastic, “Booyah!”

    Excuse: I…well, I just like to cut loose sometimes. So what if it’s during a business meeting or in the middle of a prayer time at church? A girl’s gotta express herself. And anyway, I know that everyone who has ever witnessed this sort of performance will never, ever forget it. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing…I’ll let you decide.
  5. Offense: Forgetting to put on deodorant…and, inevitably, if I forget my deodorant, I also forget my perfume/body spray…and chances are I didn’t have time to shower that morning, either. In my defense, if I realize that I forgot to put on deodorant or body spray or take a shower, I make a conscious effort to keep my arms down AT ALL COSTS…even if it makes for some super awkward contortions to try to reach something up high or shake someone’s hand.

    Excuse: I have to ration my deodorant usage because I’m a poor college student. Oh…wait. That excuse ran out of fuel in 2007. Crap. Okay, how about this? The dog ate my deodorant! …AND my body spray! …AND the freaking shower head. I swear.

Well, that about does it for now. I hope you haven’t gotten the wrong impression of me from this post. Like, if you think I’m deranged or inconsiderate or a big lazy-arse…I TOTALLY am not. I’m awesome. Just ask anyone…except the guy who had to stand next to me in line after I did #5 followed immediately by #4. He might not think I’m so awesome.

Thanks again, Nora, for letting me invade your space today! I may have mentioned this already, but you are FANNNNTABULOUS.

*Please excuse my cheerspeak. I don’t know where that came from, since I’ve never been a cheerleader before… Must’ve been all those times sitting in the bleachers with the pep band and mocking the chicks freezing their butts off while standing on wooden crates and waving around stupid little poofy things. (See? Another excuse. AND I’m a jerk.)

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3 Responses to “Excuses”

  1. laylou June 29, 2009 at 11:46 am #

    I can relate to the closet one! You could perhaps overcome this by taking off the closet doors and instead using some nice curtains to “cover,” the closet to let more light in? Or buy those funny Tap Lights, if they are still around?

  2. Kyla Roma June 29, 2009 at 3:31 pm #

    lol Okay, I have to hold you to account on the deodorant one – I’m always near enough to a drug store to grab a travel sized one for an emergency save!

  3. tabithablogs June 30, 2009 at 8:46 am #

    I like the taking-off-the-doors idea! Buuut I’ll have to run it by Joe once I move in with him…not sure if HE’D like the idea of a curtain instead of doors on the closet.

    And Kyla…um…yes, you’re totally right. I SHOULD be able to grab a travel size deodorant if/when I forget it… (keyword: “should”)

    :)

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