9. Within

9 Nov

One year, during a bachelorette party in Key West, you get your palm read.
The palm reader is dead on when it comes to you, your tendencies, your heartaches, what you long for.

She tells you that you’ll meet a man in the next two years. Someone you’ll love. Someone you’ll cherish. Someone who will reawaken your soul, your spirit, your capacity to love.

She’s right.

He’s not like anyone else you’ve ever met before. Intelligent. Funny. Hipster. Sexy. A bit of a dork. A bit of a hopeless romantic. Handsome. Strong. Sensitive. Caring. The dates are whirlwinds of nerves, laughter and butterflies.

Within a month, you’re exlcusive.
Within two months, you’re traveling together to Canada for a wedding.
Within three months, you’re spending the holidays with each other’s families.
Within six months, you start talking about living together.
Within a year, you start talking about the serious possibility of a future together.
Within 16 months, something goes wrong.

You remember the day you met the palm reader and search your memory for any bit of information on if she said it was going to last. Or if it wasn’t to last, how would it end. You come up empty handed.

You can’t pinpoint the moment it happens or why it happens, but suddenly your entire world is tossed upside down.

It feels like your souls are drifting apart and even though you want them to continue to float along together in the universe they are drowning in a sea of confusion, hurt, frustration, hope and still, above all, love. But love isn’t always enough. 

Within one week, you’ve cried enough tears to fill the Mississippi River.
Within two weeks, you’ve spent more evenings awake, wondering if it he has changed his mind, if things could be different.
Within three weeks, you call him just to make sure this is how things are supposed to be.
Within four weeks, you realize that though there will be hurt, pain and sorrow as you mourn a relationship and best friend, this is where you are supposed to be. You don’t know why, but this is where the universe has taken you and you have no choice but to move forward.

There are fewer tears but still a deep ache within your soul.  
There are fewer sleepless nights but still the emptiness fills up your bed.
There are fewer messages and phone calls but in the silence, you know there is truth.
There is less certainty in your life but instead an eternal hope.
There are memories stashed deep inside your soul assuring you that you’ll never forget.
There is the realization that this is the best decision for both of you, despite the sadness and hurt you’re learning to cope with.
There is peace in heartbreak at last.


46 Responses to “9. Within”

  1. katelin November 9, 2009 at 8:26 pm #

    aw nora this was so beautifully written for something so heart breaking. heart you. like a lot.

  2. Liz November 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm #

    Agreed. Very beautifully written. A big part of me wishes you didn’t have to go through all of this, but another part of me knows that something truly wonderful will be waiting for you once you get through it. HUGS! Love you.

  3. mandy November 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm #

    Beautifully written, Nora. Love you. Sending hugs.

  4. Jessica November 9, 2009 at 9:22 pm #

    Wow so beautifully written, I can totally relate to the pain you feel. Sending lots of love your way dear.

  5. anne November 9, 2009 at 9:24 pm #

    such a beautifully written post. i agree with liz….
    thank you for so eloquently posting such a personal experience. you are such a gifted writer.

  6. Lisa D November 9, 2009 at 9:45 pm #

    Wow – amazingly written. You summed it up so well. My heart hurts for you. I hate to see friends going through tough times like this. But you are handling it so well. As the Brady Bunch would say, Keep on Keeping on. :)

    Sending hugs your way.

  7. Lauren November 9, 2009 at 10:33 pm #

    This was wonderfully written and hits amazingly close to home. Too close, perhaps.

    All the best to you!

  8. Amber from Girl with the Red Hair November 9, 2009 at 10:35 pm #

    I’ve been waiting for this post, but I didn’t know it was going to make me cry. Scratch that, SOB.

    Nora, this is so beautifully written and just, so YOU. I’m glad you waited to write this post because you gave it the justice that it deserved.

    Thinking of you! XO

  9. Kyla Roma November 9, 2009 at 10:37 pm #

    Sweetie, I love you madly and I’m so glad you’ve come to a place where you can write about this. I can’t imagine how hard this has been, but I adore you and hope that you’re doing alright. You’re a beautiful, brilliant & talented woman and I’m so honoured to know you.


  10. CLo November 9, 2009 at 11:02 pm #

    Love conquers all, sis. Stay strong.

  11. andhari November 9, 2009 at 11:11 pm #

    That is heartbreaking, and so beautifully written. I wanna give you big hugs..x

  12. Lauren From Texas November 9, 2009 at 11:29 pm #

    This is so gorgeous and yet so sad; sending good thoughts your way. Stay strong. <3

  13. Margarita November 10, 2009 at 1:34 am #

    Reading this, my first thought was, what happened? Secondly, very beautiful and thought provoking. Very honest. I enjoy your blog because it’s always from the heart. I hope your heart is doing well. *hugs*

  14. butterflycharlie November 10, 2009 at 5:18 am #

    Wow. Lovely post but I’m sorry you had to write it. *hugs*

  15. ria November 10, 2009 at 8:57 am #

    very moving post, beautifully written

  16. ssg November 10, 2009 at 9:18 am #

    hey, not much i can say to make you feel any better. If I was closer I would come give you hugs. I know I havent been round the blogosphere much, but I’m around in the background. Hope things start to feel better soon, just remember how many people do love you and think you’re awesome.

  17. SoMi's Nilsa November 10, 2009 at 9:34 am #

    I’m not sure I can say anything that hasn’t already been said. This post was hauntingly beautiful. Maybe you don’t need that writing class after all. =) I hope writing this helped you in your journey. Hugs to you. And then a few more.

  18. Little Miss Obsessive November 10, 2009 at 9:55 am #

    This post was so beautiful yet heartbreaking.. I’m actually tearing up a little over here because I can feel your pain. :( I’m so sorry to hear about this.

    Please, please e-mail me if you ever want to talk, you know I’m here. Stay strong, lady.

    *Lot of hugs*

  19. Little Fish November 10, 2009 at 9:57 am #

    Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way…

  20. Jennifer November 10, 2009 at 10:25 am #

    I’m so happy to hear that things are getting better.

    That was a beautiful post. So deep!

  21. Alesia November 10, 2009 at 10:26 am #

    Oh, dear…

    That was lovely and heartbreaking.

    You’re a strong girl, Nora. Wise beyond your years. I’m giving you a hug now.

  22. tabithablogs November 10, 2009 at 11:02 am #

    Oh Nora, I’m so sorry! I had no idea you were going through any of this… I actually wondered at first if you were just practicing some creative writing (cuz it’s REALLY good). As others have said, I’m thinking of you and wishing you happy thoughts; I’m here if you need anything! (Gchat, email, whatever.)

    Love and hugs.

  23. Habbala November 10, 2009 at 11:46 am #

    Nora!! I am so so very sorry. I don’t even have words, but my heart breaks for you. I am here for you if you need me. I can never repay you for the kindness you showed me during my break-up, except I guess, to hopefully be there for you as much as you were for me. I am here. You already know that you will be fine, better than fine.

    I just want to give you a huge massive hug.

  24. Rebekah November 10, 2009 at 11:55 am #

    Oh, sweetie – you’re being so brave to put this out here, and it’s beautiful the way you wrote it. Let’s get together for a drink this week, k?


  25. Doni November 10, 2009 at 12:06 pm #

    This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. You are a writer. You are a beautiful, beautiful writer. And this is so human. I’m glad you’re finding peace and I hope it continues to grow.

  26. LovelyAnomaly November 10, 2009 at 12:26 pm #


  27. fuchsiag November 10, 2009 at 12:52 pm #

    I’m so sorry this has happened to you and I can totally relate. My biggest heartbreak was a couple of years ago and at the time I couldn’t imagine life any other way than with this person. Everybody kept telling me it happened for a reason, and that this wasn’t what God/the universe had in store for me, and something better was coming. I didn’t believe a word of it at the time, but two years later I can see they were right. It makes me happy you’re finally finding peace, and now I feel like one of those people saying “things happen for a reason” – well things DON’T happen for a reason, too – and I’ve learned that the hard way. I know we don’t know each other too well but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’d love to be there. *Hug*

  28. Rachel November 10, 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    nora, i love you more than words can say. this is so beautifully written and it’s something that so many of us can relate to… you’re not alone. you’re so strong & beautiful, only amazing things lie ahead for you.

  29. Megan/SomewhatVoluble November 10, 2009 at 1:25 pm #

    Dear, I had no idea this was going on. I’m glad you’re at a place to be able to write about it, though. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m an email away.

  30. phxiechk November 10, 2009 at 1:28 pm #

    I thought you were talking about me for a second. Thank you for your words, I hope I can find that peace in the heartbreak soon. I know I’m not alone out there, but sometimes when friends you know in real life get sick of hearing about your issues, it can be very isolating.

  31. fritz November 10, 2009 at 2:29 pm #

    i am sending you GREAT BIG HUGS!

  32. bellerenee November 10, 2009 at 4:35 pm #

    I have ridiculous goosebumps right now from reading this. There’s a reason why the words “solace” and “solitude” have the same root… sometimes being uncoupled is the only way to be peaceful. And if you need a change of scenery for a weekend away, I’m only a five hour drive north. We’ll drink too much wine at night and too much coffee in the morning.

  33. E.P. November 10, 2009 at 7:20 pm #

    Oh, Nora. I am so, so sorry, love. I had no idea, and my heart is breaking for you in this situation. I know it’s tough, but I am so happy to hear you have made peace with heartbreak.

    And you know I am ALWAYS here to talk if you need an ear to listen.

  34. carina blogarina November 10, 2009 at 9:15 pm #

    Beautiful writing. I’ve been there. Stay strong.

  35. Not Afraid To Use It November 10, 2009 at 9:26 pm #

    As everyone has said, amazing. It can be so hard to accept that the painful way is the better way. You are strong, and brave.

  36. Akirah November 10, 2009 at 11:15 pm #

    Sigh. Beautiful, but scary. I’m currently faced with a similar decision and I know if it happens, there will be a lot to endure. But whatever I decide, it’s important I find happiness in the end. I hope and pray the same for you, friend.

  37. justatitch November 10, 2009 at 11:37 pm #

    I am reading this (my first time to your blog, via Kyla) with my lip quivering with tears. I really needed to read this. Big hugs.

  38. Caz November 11, 2009 at 12:22 am #

    Wow, I’m sorry Nora, I didn’t immediately pick up having read this that it was a recent development. It was so well written and eloquent I only assumed it was referring to a past experience. I’m sorry to hear you have to go through this, but it seems you’re getting through it with grace, as (apparent from your blog) you do many things in life.

  39. Kimmers November 11, 2009 at 1:00 pm #

    Aw, Nora, I’m so sad to hear this. I’m sorry you’re hurting. It sounds so trite but things really do happen for a reason. I know that you will find the person you are meant to be with. This was a beautiful post.

  40. wishcake November 11, 2009 at 3:40 pm #

    The way you captured these emotions so perfectly is both heartbreaking and inspiring. Nora, you are incredible – I don’t know what else to say! Through everything, you have this incredible HOPE, and that is priceless.

    Wish I could be there to hug you.

  41. Gigi November 11, 2009 at 11:12 pm #

    I’ve been a little behind in my google reader and I just saw this. I think you may have written this for me too, because it was just what I needed to hear. I’m four days into my break-up, and my relationship wasn’t near as long as yours. I can’t imagine how you feel. You did a good job of hiding this, but if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me:)

  42. Erin November 12, 2009 at 9:59 pm #

    Nora, this is such a beautiful post. Thinking of you!

  43. Mel November 20, 2009 at 10:04 pm #

    I’m way too far behind catching up on everyone’s lives and I feel crappy for not being there for you with this one. :(


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