Top Three DDs*: Cat Food and Sobs

12 May

* DD= Dating Disaster

Today’s post is inspired by Amy; it’s surprisingly comforting to hear of other bad dating experiences. At one time in the past many of these stories were documented on my old blog which has since been deleted. Without further ado, here’s the third most awful date I’ve ever been on…

Back in 2006 after a particularly rough break-up and equally rough healing process, I decided to give online dating a shot. Match.Com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony, just to name a few. I met this dude through Match.Com, the emails flowed well, the phone conversations went great and thus we decided to meet.

I came down with a terrible sinus infection just days before the first “date,”; we were both excited to meet one another so I agreed to meet-up for a light lunch and ice cream to get the ball rolling. I’m on my way to meet him at the restaurant, feeling like total crap thanks to the sinus situation, when he calls and asks if I would mind meeting him at Wal-Mart first (next to the restaurant) as he had to pick up some things. I’m convinced I had a fever that day as I foolishly agreed to this idea.

I get to the parking lot, and there he is… I think. He looks nothing like his pictures and he’s a good five inches shorter than he claimed to be (which made him shorter than me since he claimed to be 6’1″). Not the best way to start. We get into WalMart when he tells me that he needs “kitty litter and kitty food.” I’m terribly allergic to cats, which he knows and he proceeds to tell me that he’d gladly get rid of the cats if the first date goes well. (Dude, we just met. No need to give up your cats yet.) So we are in the cat food aisle and he hands me a 25 pound bag of kitty litter and asks me to HOLD IT, while he carries around four cans of cat food. In between choosing the cat food he keeps mumbling to himself how pretty I am (appreciate the nicety but it was odd), while staring at his shoes. The dude wouldn’t look me in the eye.

20 minutes later, we are outside WalMart and I’m not feeling well and the whole beginning of the date was just so odd, so I tell him I’m really not feeling well and think we should postpone. Not two minutes after I’m in the car, dude calls me. Three times in a row. (I was on the other line with my mom, letting her know I was alive.) He leaves a message each time, sobbing, telling me how beautiful he thinks I am, that I’m his only hope in life, that he’d be a father if his ex had decided to keep the baby. The phone calls continue every hour. And my email inbox? Flooded with notes from him.

I confess, I didn’t call him back because I had no idea what to say; it was all so bizarre, surreal, awkward, I felt bad for him and I didn’t think that I was remotely interested after the false photos and lying about his height, not to mention the sobbing voice messages.

Two days later… flowers arrive. At my office. From this dude. Within minutes of the flowers arriving, he calls my direct line at my office, crying yet again, demanding to know what went wrong and why I wouldn’t see him again. Not having caller ID on my phone at the time, I answered, politely explained that I thought we were looking for different levels of a relationship and that I wished him the best. It was the last I heard of him. To this day I still have no idea how he figured out where I worked.

So, my friends, that’s the story of the world’s shortest date where yours truly tried to be a trooper, wound up carrying a 25 lb bag of kitty litter, walking next to a dude who mumbled and stared at his shoes who turned out to be a borderline stalker.

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26 Responses to “Top Three DDs*: Cat Food and Sobs”

  1. Kyla Roma May 12, 2010 at 7:00 am #

    WOAH! Sobbing & being ready to commit in a walmart parking lot? That definitely tops any bad date that I’ve ever been on. You’re a trooper!

  2. Becky May 12, 2010 at 7:30 am #

    Oh my gosh! I was cringing while I was reading this! Good that as soon as you said something to him he didn’t call again though! Creepy!

  3. Veronica May 12, 2010 at 7:37 am #

    Some guys just don’t know how to take a hint lol

  4. mandy May 12, 2010 at 8:17 am #

    Wow, that is horrible. What a dating disaster. I find it deeply disturbing that he was telling you that you were his last hope at life after a half an hour at Walmart. Why? Because you tolerated carrying a 25 lb bag of kitty litter? That has the makings of a Lifetime movie. I’m glad that you didnt see him again.

  5. Liz May 12, 2010 at 8:20 am #

    You have the best (and by best, I mean worst!) dating stories! Wow, what an odd guy.

  6. Windsor Grace May 12, 2010 at 8:44 am #

    Wow. Just wow. I had someone take me to the movie “Cabin Fever” on a first date and I thought that was bad. Makes a great story though. I am curious if you got a restraining order. That dude deserved one. And some therapy.

  7. Mel May 12, 2010 at 9:32 am #

    Holy crap, that’s not a made up story? :) Lol, just kidding. I’ve got one of those…or 5…up my sleeve I need to share.

    Wow. Just. Wow.

  8. Nora May 12, 2010 at 9:37 am #

    Haha, no, didn’t get a restraining order on this guy. If he had continued to pester me, I may have considered it. The kicker was that he worked for a powerful law firm in town so who knows if I could have made it stick!

  9. Nora May 12, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    Yes, it totally could have been a Lifetime movie. Maybe we should write a script and send it in…

  10. Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks May 12, 2010 at 9:53 am #

    If a guy EVER contacted me at work, I would go batshit crazy on him. Seriously, WTF?! If you never provided that info in the first place, he should mind his own business and respect you might not want to cross personal and business. Oh my. Even to this day, my husband rarely calls me at work … always on cell, unless it’s an emergency.

  11. Amy --- Just A Titch May 12, 2010 at 10:13 am #

    I think you win, sister. This is the freakiest/weirdest story EVER.

  12. pseudostoops May 12, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    Oh dear- what a mess he was! You ARE a huge trooper for not unleashing a string of expletives on him when he continued to hassle you and even found out your work. He truly sounds like someone who needs therapy (the “I’d be a father…” line in particular- oof.)

  13. sleepyjane May 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

    That’s scary!!! EEK.

  14. OG May 12, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

    It’s stories like this that only baffle me more as to why I, as a normal guy,have such a hard time find an acceptable woman to go on a date with. What kind of grown man uses the word kitty? That should have been warning sign number 1.

  15. Julie May 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm #

    O…my…wow. That’s insane. Sounds like you went on a date with Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, lol, using the word “kitty”!

  16. Lisa from Lisa's Yarns May 12, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    Oh. My. God. that is epic. And that is your THIRD worst date? I can’t imagine anything worse than that?

    Call me a snob, but I think I would have a hard time dating a guy that shopped at Walmart… I know that makes me a snob, but oh well. I just feel like it’s a sign that we are not compatible. Like he woudl probably want to take me to Applebee’s on the first date, too. I am such a b*tch.

    My worst date was probably with a Match.com person as well. Somehow the topic of religion came up and he tried to argue that as a Catholic I wasn’t actually a Christian…. um, yah. Not sure what to say to that buddy, and I really don’t want to get into a conversation about faith on the first date – and certainly not a debate!

  17. Mimi May 12, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    Oh my god that is terrible!! I feel kind of sorry for the guy you know, just that he was in such a state that he felt it necessary to act that way. However, I think you did the absolute right thing! If you had told him that you thought he was creepy, etc, he might have gone insane. Just… WOW at your story!

  18. AshleyD May 12, 2010 at 9:16 pm #

    Hahahaha, this is too much! I can’t believe I haven’t heard this story before. How crazy! So glad you got out of that one without any major damage (besides the minor stalking, haha)!

  19. Akirah May 12, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    I love everything about that story. Except that you had to actually live thru that awkwardness.

  20. Imogen May 13, 2010 at 1:17 am #

    Good God, what a mess!

    Well, I guess you should thank your lucky stars for the “borderline” situation ;) Sounds like it could have definitely been much worse…

  21. alliecakes May 13, 2010 at 8:26 am #

    Oh my sweet Jesus!!!! I can’t even believe this.. what an awesomely BAD date. I love to laugh about the bad ones now – they really do make the best stories but I’m sorry you had to live through that! lol

  22. Richard Losciale May 13, 2010 at 10:42 am #

    Point me to the bloke! Why, I oughta! Don’t make me get up out of this chair!

  23. Tabitha May 13, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    That is pretty disturbing! Thanks for sharing, and I can’t wait to hear how your second- and first-worst dates were!

  24. Tabitha May 13, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    PS — Your dad is hilarious.

  25. Jessica May 13, 2010 at 11:14 pm #

    Oh my god three sobbing messages in a row? Good lord. I love bad date stories, I hope you can now look back at this and laugh. I would have stepped on the gas after hearing message #1.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Melodramatic » Blog Archive » A dating disaster - May 13, 2010

    […] my #1 dating disaster…. I got this idea after reading a recent entry written by the lovely Nora.  I don’t think I have a story that can top her’s (cat litter, cat food, and crying, […]

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