Top Three DD’s: Comedy Club Cherry

14 May

It’s time for the second installment of Nora’s Dating Disasters. Today I give you bad date number two…

Backgrounder: I went to a Big 12 School that was 25,000 students strong in the undergraduate category alone and boasted over 26 fraternities and sororities. I rushed as a freshman, joined, but wasn’t feeling it so before initiation I decided to bow out, save some money but managed to be very good friends with a lot of fabulous ladies. It wasn’t uncommon for me to be approached each fall and spring to donate blood. I’d willing do so to save a life or two, help a friend out, and for the shirt. If you didn’t get a Greek Week Blood Drive shirt you might as well have moved in with the guys from the Big Bang Theory. (Looking back I can’t believe what a big deal we all made about the blood drive shirts. It was just a cotton shirt with a different design on each semester.). Anyway.

Freshman year, spring semester, I’m giving blood with my friend MD to benefit her sorority. She gets put at a stretcher across the huge gym from me and for whatever reason this time I’m around I’m not feeling well. At all. Evidently I looked pretty pale as they took me to the “special” section inside the gym and next thing I know this dude is chatting with me, keeping my mind off the blood situation and I start to feel better. Dude sticks with me through the entire donation process and even to the food station, making sure I’m okay. Turns out he’s a friend of MD’s boyfriend.

I don’t know what it is about me and sinus infections and first dates, but they tend to coincide a lot. I get sick a few days after giving blood as I always did (I don’t give blood anymore because I always got wickedly sick each time) but this guy was an upperclassman and was taking me on a Real.Date. Like dinner at a non-chain restaurant kind of date. Pick me up at the dorm room door kind of date. So I go.

He plans the date: Dinner at some steakhouse and the comedy club that’s in town. No need to worry that I’m a minor, his fraternity “runs” the comedy club and the bouncer will get me in, he says. We’re at dinner and it’s going well until, without asking, he picks up half of my sandwich on my plate and starts eating it. This is after he ate his steak and potatoes, mind you. After taking a huge bite of my sandwich, he asks if I mind. What was I going to do, ask him to spit it out? Then he proceeds to eat the rest of my fries. 

At this point, I’m thankful there will be beer at the Comedy Club.

True to his word, I get in the Comedy Club that his fraternity “runs,” we get seated at the table in the front of the room, and start to enjoy a beer or two. The lights go dim. He starts to play footsie with me under the table, which then turns into his foot on my calf, and then his foot on my thigh. I don’t like feet even if they are in a shoe or sock. Grosses me out. He grabs my hands, asks me if I’ve been to comedy before. I say no at which point he says “I’m so glad I’m the one popping your comedy club cherry,” and he squeezes my  hand. He was dead serious too.

I hung out with him a few more times knowing first dates are supremely awkward, even comedy club cherry awkward, but it didn’t get better.

However, cut to three months later, when I run into this dude on the quad. “So, Nora. I’ve lost about 25 pounds since I last saw you. How do you like me now? Wanna date me now that I’ve lost weight? I know you’re the kind of girl who only dates skinny guys. I just know it. Well, too bad, you can’t have this.” And then he took off running so I couldn’t even tell him he was wrong.

Funny how I never, ever thought he needed to lose 25 pounds, nor did I say anything to him, or anyone who knew him, for that matter, about his “weight.”

And that’s the second worst date I’ve been on for it’s supreme awkardness, the fact that the dude ate my food, using the words “popped” and “cherry” on the first day and accused me of only liking skinny guys.

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16 Responses to “Top Three DD’s: Comedy Club Cherry”

  1. mandy May 14, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    Oh good lord, what a moron. “How do you like me now?” I have no words for that. He sounds like many of the frat guys I encountered at my small college.

    And I used to give blood too for the free t-shirts.

  2. Lauren From Texas May 14, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. You had me gone @ FEET ON THE THIGH. SICK SICK SICK. Although I am loving this series & you are so funny :)

  3. MASHley May 14, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    ashley here. wow. this guy was dumb. although i loved your reference to big bang theory. seriously i used to love doing blood drives too. until i got a nurse that had no idea how to draw blood. my arm was bruised up for weeks. since then i’m a little cautious. although it’s my goal to give blood again for my 101 in 1001

  4. Margarita May 14, 2010 at 12:30 pm #

    OMG.
    Seriously? Guys like this exist?? Horrifying. Absolutely, positively horrifying.

  5. Akirah May 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm #

    Woah. That’s crazy. I went on an awkward first date last night, but I think this one was definitely worse. SHeesh!

  6. Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks May 14, 2010 at 1:27 pm #

    Oh my. Sometimes, it’s best to let guys like that have the last word. Otherwise, you might find you’re explaining yourself to someone who’s just not worthy.

  7. Tabitha May 14, 2010 at 3:52 pm #

    Oh…wow. Talk about some self esteem issues? Also, I’m trying to imagine how awkward it must’ve looked from the outside to see a guy rubbing his foot ALL THE WAY UP TO YOUR THIGH. Unless there was a long tablecloth. But still, I bet the top half of his body was getting kinda awkward, too. Weeeird.

  8. Mel May 14, 2010 at 6:24 pm #

    Lol, where did the weight come into play? What an idiot.

  9. E.P. May 15, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    Oh. My. Goodness.

    I just… wow. That’s horrible. I’m glad you never went out with him again. Anything about a popping ANY kind of cherry on a first date is just wrong.

  10. Becky May 16, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    You have more patience than I. I would have left after he started eating my food!

  11. Elizabeth May 16, 2010 at 8:17 pm #

    He sounds so skeevy! I’m so impressed that you even gave him more tries after that. Ick–sorry!

  12. Jessica May 16, 2010 at 9:19 pm #

    Oh my god. i don’t even know where to start. Eating off your plate w/o asking ahead of time, strike one. Obviously there were other strikes but saying that to you on the quad is hilarious, awesome and shocking at the same time. Gross!

  13. Lisa from Lisa's Yarns May 16, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    Yikes. Another doosey. Wowsers. I can’t believe he just ate off of your plate. What. The. Hell.

    Oh, and I get sick after I give blood too so I no longer donate – or at least not until I am done with training for races for awhile…

    This story reminded me of another story I can use for my adventures in awkwardnees posts…

  14. jen May 17, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    that is just gross on so many levels, if i hadn’t broken a finger after eating food off my plate, i certainly would have broken a toe. you know…by accident…

  15. OG May 19, 2010 at 11:36 am #

    Yeah…that sounds about right. Very inline with a self-concious college kid in a fraternity. I like the perspective because so often people think it’s an issue physical attraction when many times it’s more of a personality issue.

  16. Rachel May 22, 2010 at 11:54 pm #

    Uhh, wow. This is sort of mortifying and if anyone reached over and ate off my plate on a first date I might actually slap their hand.

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