The Soulmate Discussion

25 Aug

Earlier this week I watched a movie called TiMER. I won’t do a great job of explaining the movie, but think of a romantic drama peppered with a little bit of comedy and a just a titch of Sci-Fi and honestly? This movie rocks. It’s about a world where people have the ability to know the exact day they will meet their soulmates aka “the one.” There is a thing called a “TiMER” that you can have implanted into your wrist, and assuming that your “the one” has a “TiMER” too, your TiMER will start counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until you meet him/her. And when you lock eyes with that person? Your TiMER’s will beep simultaneously. (This isn’t giving plot away, just the general frame of the movie.)

As a result of the TiMER there are people who kind of wait for their soulmates, idly living their lives, refusing to date anyone unless it’s their “one.” There are also people in this movie who refuse to get TiMER’s because they believe that just knowing and feeling that they love someone is enough; they don’t need or want the TiMER to predict their love life, the exact moment it happens.

This was an independent film, done really well, and of course it set my brain in motion. (And if you haven’t seen it, do! It’s only 90 minutes and well worth it. And no, TiMER didn’t pay me to promote their film in anyway shape or form.)

Would I want to know the exact date that I will meet my supposed soulmate? Do I even believe in the idea of “the one?” Isn’t it possible that there are mutliple “the ones?” Guys that you are supposed to date in high school, college, your young adult life, all who are “the one,” for that particular time in your life? Is there anyone person that I’m 100% destined to spend the rest of my life with?

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The old Nora thought that there was no question: Yes, of course there was just *one* guy meant for me. And then reality set in. Let’s say I never leave STL. Does this mean that my “one” has to move to STL for me to meet him, but if he doesn’t, that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life? Or what if my one is here in STL and then I move away; what happens then? Or what if I meet him, and then there’s some crazy freak accident or natural disaster and we get separated or lost? Am I just doomed for the rest of my life to be single?

It’s hard for me to swallow the concept that there is just one person for me; it seems a little defeatist because this is a big world and even though I travel, go out, try new things, there is certainly no guarantee I’d meet “him,” and that is a little bit sad to me. I like to think that you can have more than one Mr. Right, maybe depending on where you are in your life, maybe depending on where you are headed. Maybe there is only one soulmate for me, but maybe there are several guys out there that I could truly love and live “happily ever after,” with. I guess I just like to be hopeful and think positively that no matter what life decisions I make, I’ll wind up meeting Mr. Right and to believe that I can’t help but think there must be multiple options out there for me.

I also don’t think that I’d really want to know the exact day I’m going to meet Mr. Right/Mr. Soulmate. As great as it would be to have a crystal ball and just know who he is and that everything will turn out ok, I think I’d miss out on a lot of life living, a lot of experiences that continue to shape the woman that I am. I know myself well enough to know that if I was told that on October 15, 2012 I will meet Mr. Right, I wouldn’t be as open to dating (knowing that they were all doomed relationships), that I’d inadvertently kind of wait around for Mr. Right to show up on October 15th, 2012. Lord knows I’d wear a killer outfit that day though. But what if the TiMER was wrong or was some crazy conspiracy plot to get us to think we were meeting Mr. Right? (I mean, it wouldn’t be that hard to hack/program these things if you really wanted to…)

Then I started to go back and forth with myself. Wouldn’t it be kind of resassuring to have this “TiMER” tell you that you are dating the guy you are supposed to be with? It would save so much time and heartache (if you’ve read this blog for awhile, you know I’ve lost time and definitely experienced heartache though it has made me who I am today…), allow you to move on to the next one (or not). Wouldn’t it be great to have a guarantee that you’re just meant to be with this person? But is there really such thing as a guarantee? (I’m inclined to say no, though it would be nice.)  Would I be the girl who refuses to get  a TiMER or gets one and has it removed because she just doesn’t care and would rather live her life via free will instead of a device telling me who I will love and when?

Free-spirited Nora vs. Planner Nora are still fighting this one out (although right now I’m leaning towards living my life without knowing and putting my blind faith in fate bringing us together because it seems more natural and a little bit more “me”) but tell me, if such a thing as the “TiMER” existed would you get one? Do you believe in soulmates, the idea of “the one,” or do you think their could be multiple soulmates and “the one”?

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21 Responses to “The Soulmate Discussion”

  1. Amber from Girl with the Red Hair August 25, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    Ooooh that movie looks SO GOOD! I want to watch it!

    I don’t believe in soulmates. I believe there are lots of people out there I would be a good fit with. I just happened to end up with Eric when I was 16, fall in love and we’ve been willing – so far – to work through all our hurdles. Doesn’t mean he’s my soulmate, just a good match for me. And, the longer we’ve been together, the better match we’ve become :)

    Great post! XO

  2. Suburban Sweetheart August 25, 2010 at 8:33 am #

    That movie sounds awesome! Thanks for the rec.

    I never believed in the concepts of soulmates, really. I’m sure there are people out there in Tokyo & Lebanon & Nevada who are perfect for me (we’re talking all relationships here, actually, not just romantic) – who I will likely never meet. But in the sphere of the people I WILL meet, I hopehopehope that one of them will be (romantically) for me, too.

  3. Mel August 25, 2010 at 9:18 am #

    I think I might have to reup my Netflix account (wasn’t going to renew) so I can watch this, it looks great!

    I once believed in the concept of soulmates. And it ruined my life. I kid you not. I was with a man for 4 years. Best 4 years ever. He was my BEST FRIEND. We understood each other. Even my husband will never reach how awesome this other man was. But I got all weird — said I wasn’t sure he was my SOUL MATE. I mean, we were best friends, where did the fireworks go?? I later learned that fireworks just go away sometimes but the love never does. And by the time I had realized this, it was too late and he was already with someone else.

    A couple of years later, I learned to let go of the soul mate notion. That there is only one out there. Because I was never going to get my first back. So I HAD to have other options, right? Lol…

  4. Liz August 25, 2010 at 9:59 am #

    I don’t believe in soulmates, per se, but I do believe in fate. People are meant to come into your life – sometimes they stay, sometimes they don’t.

  5. mandy August 25, 2010 at 10:16 am #

    Honestly, I’m not sure where I stand on the soulmate, only one person for you topic. I definitely believe that I can choose to love and make things work with more than one person. But there are also some people, one guy in particular, that I am drawn too time and time again. I dont know if we’re soul mates but he gets me, we have an indescribable connection. I am also a believer in kindred spirits, people with whom I have a really strong connection.

  6. Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks August 25, 2010 at 10:39 am #

    I definitely would not want to know when I was meeting “the one.” First, I don’t believe there’s only one. And more importantly, if someone told me at 18 that I wouldn’t meet “the one” until I was 32, I’d be devastated. And I certainly wouldn’t have lived my life the same way I did (and believe me, I had a great life in my 20s and early 30s and wouldn’t change a thing).

    It’s kind of like knowing when you’re going to die. I really just don’t want to know. Life is a mystery and I like it that way.

  7. Ashalah August 25, 2010 at 10:44 am #

    I’m definitely going to have to check out that movie, the premise sounds awesome.

    I like to believe there is more than one “soulmate” out there and I believe they are in your life for a reason and leave for a reason too. If I knew that I was meeting my perfect “one” then I wouldn’t have experienced all that I am. I think the heartache we go through only makes us stronger, smarter and a better person. That way we KNOW what we want. If we just were given the one without any effort, how would we know if we actually wanted that person or if we were just resigning to the idea of that person because we were told this guy is the one?

    Am I making any sense? I haven’t had any caffeine yet. Anyway, awesome post. I’ve had this discussion with friends several times and while I’d like to know that I will not be alone forever, I think it’d just make me lazy to know :)

  8. Grace August 25, 2010 at 10:56 am #

    I love that movie! It does get you thinking about soul mates. I don’t think there is just one person for us. I once read a quote that said “Just when you think you’ve found that guy who is one in a million just remember there are 13 just like him in LA county alone.” It made me laugh but it also is a constant reminder for me. It reminds me that it’s not the end of the world if a relationship ends. There are other guys out there with similar qualities. Guys that don’t have whatever it was that helped end the previous relationship. I’m not sure if I would get a timer. I’m in the same boat you are on that one.

  9. Margarita August 25, 2010 at 11:00 am #

    That sounds like such an interesting movie! I don’t know if I believe in the term “soulmates”, it sounds so permanent and final.

    I believe the one I’m with is the one I’m meant to be with, if not forever then for right now. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is I’m happy right now, and I think that’s all that really counts :)

  10. Becky August 25, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Someone just told me about this movie for the first time the other day and now you’ve mentioned it – I might have to watch it!

  11. Lisa from Lisa's Yarns August 25, 2010 at 11:28 am #

    I definitely want to watch this movie! Sounds so interesting…

    I don’t believe in there being ONE person for you. I think there is a limited # of people that you are compatible with, but I don’t think it’s just 1 person, for all of the reasons that you listed in your post… The world is just too big for that to be possible.

    I don’t think I would want a timer. I wouldn’t want to know the exact date/time I was going to meet someone.

    You know what I would like, though. I would like someone to whisper in my ear and say, “Don’t worry, you will meet him.” I don’t need a date. I don’t need a year. I just need to know it WILL happen some day.

    But unfortunately, that is never going to happen. No one can guarantee that my future will include a husband and children. I can hope for it, but who knows what the future holds… I go back and forth w/ being confident that I will meet someone to losing hope to not caring…. It depends on the days & the circumstances of my life…. But I do think i am getting better at living my life and doing the things I love, regardless of my relationship status….

    Great post, my dear!!

  12. sassy molassy August 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    I don’t think there’s just ONE person out there for us, but I do believe there are a few people we can really connect with. The ONE just so happens to be the person who is in the right place at the right time and is ready for you to walk in. Sounds like an interesting movie.

  13. Habbala August 25, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    Hi Lover,

    My 2 cents: I don’t think we have a soul mate. And I think that calling someone your soul mate devalues the work that a relationship is. Things get hard with everyone at point– and it’s dangerous to think that a soul mate is EASY all the time (ergo if we’re hitting a rough patch maybe we’re not soul mates?). I 100% believe that people were put into our lives to help us grow… and that a successful relationship in NOT about soul mates bout about choosing one person every day.

    The End.

  14. Kyla Roma August 26, 2010 at 7:35 am #

    I might want to go to the place where they install the widgets- just to see if I was eligible to get one (because if I didn’t have a one, they wouldn’t?) and then if they were going to, I would decline lol Is that too convoluted? Maybe it’s a middle ground between being a free spirit and a planner :)

    I don’t like the idea of soul mates, I like the idea of working really hard with someone who loves you. To me, that’s a lot more romantic :)

  15. Kyla Roma August 26, 2010 at 7:36 am #

    lol That was convoluted! By “if I didn’t have a one”, I mean “If I didn’t have a soulmate” :)

  16. sleepyjane August 26, 2010 at 7:43 am #

    I don’t believe that there is just ONE person out there for everyone. J is my one person because I want him to be, and because we work at it. But if I wasn’t with J, I might have found someone else that would be my “one person” at that point in time.

    I think (no, I know) that there are other people in the world we’re compatible with, and might have even loved if given the chance. I also think it’s about choosing someone who loves you back, and sticking with them.

    The movie sounds really interesting. :D

  17. Ally August 26, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    I think the idea of soulmates is just too basic. I believe in finding someone who makes you laugh, who accepts you, and who wants to build a life together with you. That is true love.

  18. Jessica August 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

    Hmm this is a tough one. It’s a big fight between planner Jess and free spirited Jess. Part of me does want to know, simply because if I’m going to die alone, I’d want to know so I don’t hold myself back. But then again, I might want that sense of wonder too.

    I need to look into this movie from Neflix!

  19. Charlie August 29, 2010 at 6:45 am #

    To an extent I do believe it, but I also know that believing it can make you make bad decisions. I guess I’m very open to the idea but won’t get too worried by it.

  20. Erin August 29, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    Despite the fact that I firmly believe that I couldn’t have found a better husband, I don’t really believe there is only one person meant for everyone. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there that would have been great matches for me. I really think this whole idea of “the one” and soulmates puts a lot of pressure on a relationship. People then think that this person is the person who should be everything to them. That’s a lot to live up to. Ted is my husband and my best friend…but he doesn’t take the place of the many, many other important relationships in my life.

  21. Tabitha September 15, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

    Ooh, that is a toughie. (And also, I MUST find this movie. It looks fun, and I love that actress — from Buffy!) I think the whole concept of “The One” is kind of narrow-minded and doesn’t take into account the fact that there are SO MANY possibilities for your life on an everyday basis. But, having said that, I love thinking about all the little ways that life brought Joe and me together, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. So…like I said. Tough. :-P

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